BEING WHO MAN? by The Chauvinist

While the youth around does so much to the society by wearing  tshirts that say INDIA AGAINST CORRUPTION or BEING HUMAN,here I am smoking american blend and wearing funny beer quote tshirts.I'd be damned!
Here in bombay,every second guy wears a BEING HUMAN tshirt,the clothing line is owned by a celebrity who has charges against him for running his car over a man  shooting a rare species animal and the list just goes on.
Whenever I see a guy wearing a Being Human Tshirt,i have an urge to punch him in the face and see blood gush out of his nose,but apparently every Being Human man is the size of Hanuman.

Offlate another celebrity has kickstarted a tv show that spotlights evil in the society.
The man definitely has a seat reserved in heaven,if not he'd buy one,there should be plenty of money left from the 30 million he earns from each episode.

Last time I was home,i caught my folks addicted to this reality show on a regional channel.
The format is quite simple,an old actor would play the negotiator in a verbal fight between couples on the brink of  divorce.There would also be a panel consisting of retired judges to spice up the whole thing.Few of my own folks were crying looking at the plight of some woman who was fighting to get her husband back from his mistress.
Sad situation,but I dont get why she or anybody for that matter would come on tv to share their problems.Its as lame as watching pornography with your whole family.My folks however,lost interest soon, the show they claimed lacked variety.

I had to deal with a client who wanted photographs of the city.Being the struggling artist I am,i went around for days with my gear and went back in with about 30 photographs.
The man had issues with my work.He claimed that my work conveyed just happiness.The man said he could get the editorial done as soon as I got him some variety.Begging handicapped people for instance.The editorial never happened.

I once made the mistake of tossing a few coins to a child who was begging.I usually dont do such a thing.But I had seen him look at kid walking out of a store with an ice cream cone.The kid all excited rushed in to get one while I went about doing my photography.In about 20 minutes,the kid had come back with about a dozen other friends of his and was demanding more money.I stood there looking at him and doubting whether i'd wet my pants.I was lucky enough to be spotted by the other photographer who had gone with me and she came in and sent the kids away.

The only time I felt the urge to attend an event for a social cause was when a female celebrity decided to strip.I didnt know what the cause was,but neither did the others who showed up.The event unfortunately didnt happen.I heard somebody say later that the celebrity didnt show up because she didnt have anything to wear to the event!Now that,I found to be a very lame excuse.

Cheers :)

The Chauvinist

DAD AND THE iPAD by the Chauvinist.

Everytime my dad comes to me for figuring out what a particular button does on his phone or tab,i'd secretly laugh out loud at him.Thats probably the only  time when i get to feel superior to him.I'd even make him wait at times,just so to take revenge for all the occasions he made me wait to get the remote,change the bloody news channel to put on Tom and Jerry. 

I was the tech guru back in my childhood.I could tweak and fix software issues on most computers and customize cellphones for all my uncles and aunts.

The good days came to an end with my kiddo cousin growing up.He's way too smarter than I am at things.He can figure out any damn gadget in a matter of minutes.

While i was walking around with my DSLR the last time i was home,he decided to stick around and watch me.Aware of the fact that he was eyeing me,i tried to make it look much complicated than it actually is.I changed my exposure a couple of times,played around with the scroll only to revert it back and take the shot.

After the shot I put on Mark Walhbergs' look from the movie Shooter and made it look as if i had just shot a president.

He walked to me and asked me if he could shoot with the DSLR,I was convinced that operating this would be a blow to the tech guru image he had stolen from me and happily handed over the camera.

He walked around for a while and came back with shots,the shots were compositionally wrong,but then he had managed to get the shots without any technical mistakes.The exposures were just right and the shots were steady. I said nothing and packed my gear.

I remember breaking my head over some setting on my phone that i couldn't tweak.Convinced that i couldn't solve it myself,i took it to the in house genius.He didn't quite like being disturbed during his daily dose of Cartoon shows.A  blue fat cat from japan was fighting the bad guys while i decided to wait.He solved my problem soon as the cat went away.

The new cartoons i must say lack quality and charm.All the new cartoons have people beating up each other and blowing things up!If you happen to see the new Tom and Jerry,you'd actually consider throwing the TV out of the window.The new tom and jerry look as if they've got typhoid and diabetes respectively.

The bloke who called the tv an idiot box,was an actual idiot. Tv was fun back then.Not anymore.

I grew up with my parents telling me every now and then about how they grew up without a TV or a computer and climbed trees or plucked fruits as kids.They'd play this card everytime i switched on my PC to game,this would put me in a situation.Growing up in a city that had trees only in public parks or between roads,i really couldnt climb trees even if i wanted to.My friend suggested that i tell them this,but after all they grew up without a TV or a computer, i didnt want to hurt their feelings.I actually felt bad for them.

However,their words made me realize a big trouble that was to come right at me.They could buy sympathy from me because they grew up without a computer or tv,but what am i going to do when i have a kid.Apparently,I did grow up with a tv,computer,gaming console,cellphone and a music player.I had even bought myself a DSLR in high school!!

I'd have to stand with my head down in front of my kid when he decides to switch on his gaming console every evening!I don't really know if there would be yet another revolutionary evolution of technology like the one that has been happening in the last 20 years or so.

I haven't lost all hope I must admit.If the rumors of the world coming to an  end is true,i'd be able to save myself from the embarrassment i'd have to go through with my kid.I wouldn't actually mind if we have to start right again from the stone age after 2012.I could cherish the days of the iPad and make my kid jealous!


Cheers :)

The Chauvinist