Tuesday, May 8, 2012

BANG A LORE MR. BOND by the chauvinist

I was quite happy to see mr.ethan hunt chase the villan down to india in the 4th MI. My happiness vaporised soon as the bad guy stepped into the Sun Network Tv Broadcasting company claiming it to be some kind of a space research centre,to hit the big fat red button that'd turn the moon pink or make marijuana legal.
This year,the british agent mr bond was to come down to india.I guess its been quite a while since the gentlemans' slept with indian women.However,the stubborn Maharashta govt authorites,who are probably tom cruise fans,dissapproved and Bond just flew back home.

Id say Bond lost hope too soon.He shouldve flown down to Bangalore.Not that the women are any better,but the film would certainly have good twists.

Bond,being british we could assume kickstarts his day,just like the other english gentlemen;with a cup of tea .Dont be startled if u find a tequila glass on his breakfast tray,thats precisely the size of the glass in which Bangalorians have tea.
After his Raagi Upma,If bond was to take a rickshaw which mostly comes with a clueless driver,he'd probably have to ask for directions to a young geek in a white shirt and a weird shaped tie with a laptop case,he'd be told to head straight down the road and take the left turn at the dead end.
Apparently,Bangalore is someplace where it is quite possible to take a left or right from a dead end.So,if the bad guys manage to chase mr bond to the dead end of a tunnel and bond winks,dont misunderstand,hes probably showing off because he has a left or right to take.


Now,things are gonna be hard if bond has to break into an office to steal highly confidential files from a computer or copy itunes from the bad guys ipod,as every office with a computer I can think off in Bangalore has a night shift.
With pretty much nothing to do,Bond could go bar hopping.But the biggest disaster for bond comes after his shaken and not stirred drink.Bond is used to finding himself in a bed with a woman or more after he places 3 aces on the green table across which a one eyed or handed or legged or headed bad guy sits.
Unfortunately,gambling is banned.If bond thinks he could get a woman to his bed with a coupla salsa moves,tough luck.Dancing is banned too.

The rickshaw driver,whose fare would be more than twice the price of his rickshaw with him in it is most likely to be the baddest of the bad asses from the whole of bad ass land.
However,bond would be pleased to know that he could press the button on his steering wheel to pop the machine guns out of his tata nano and shred the rickshaw and the driver to pieces,the cop who has probably witnessed the kill would settle for half the bribe he asks for.
Infact the traditional clothing is just perfect for Bond business..Bond could use his dhothi as a parachute to jump off coconut trees and park his car in there otherwise.

Cheers ;)
The Chauvinist